2013年11月10日 星期日

【Toastmasters】My Husband’s Girls!


Here comes my Toastmasters humorous contest speech “My Husband’s Girls!” 

Special Thanks for: 
Chief Coach: Matilda Huang / Proof Reading: Michael Woods 
Consultant: Harry Fong,Harrison Lee,Sonja Kao,Victor Chu,Eva Liu 
Lester Lin & Douglas Huang, allowing me to make jokes of you both. 
All the Legacy Club members' support!

Gosh, it’s just like a winner’s acceptance speech! 

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It’s hard to talk about my marriage in public. On a boring typhoon night, I was expecting to do exercise with my honey in bedroom. I saw my husband walking to me, step by step, and then passed by me, sat down surrounded by 5 girls, with his sparking eyes and tender touch. Those girls are my lifelong enemies, bicycles.

My husband is a shopaholic for bicycles and occasionally, he got home with a new girl. I always try to stop his shopping habits, but he always has a reason to stop me stopping him. Most of time, he won! 

Two years ago, the unforgettable moment in my life, he proposed to me with a Tiffany ring? No, it’s a bike, a Tiffany blue bike. Gosh, I don’t want to wear any bike for my ring finger. Another enemy! On another day, I found my Tiffany disappeared and saw a note on the table, “Honey, I, Tiffany, together, go out, see you soon!” Excuse me? Isn’t Tiffany a gift for me? This guy always buys his desirable stuff for me and called it my present. Always after few days, all the presents will become his. It happens every time.

Once, Giant shop had a big discount. We walked into it and soon I smelled er…a girl. She is not just hot, she is so hot. My husband said, ”Honey, it’s worthy to investment everything good for us. Let’s get the bike. If one day transportation fee is 40 dollars, one month is 800 dollars. One year is 9600 dollars. Oh my god, this bike is only 8888 dollars which means I could save 712 dollars per year. Best of all, the price is 8888. The number In Chinese sounds babababa, similar to fafafafa! I am sure that we will fa…… all the way.” After we came home, I saw he was so happy standing by those old girls and a new Giant girl. At that moment, I want to throw out all of them out of the window, including my husband.
 
I complained it to my mom but she said, yeah, at least he is not interested in “real girls or men.” Marriage is to trust who is money maker. Just try to win money from your husband. You know what I mean. So, I decide to get along with those girls, also benefit from them.

The truth is my husband feels even guiltier than I thought to survive in marriage. He tries very hard to pacify my anger by giving me, year-end bonus, performance bonus, share options, and most of his salary. Thanks god! It’s been a long while that I could get along with those girls until last week.

Nightmare again! A few weeks ago, he went bicycling with Douglas Huang and Lester Lin. You might not know them very much. It isn’t important. The point is I hate you. You are rich, you are Toastmasters, and you are fond of bicycles. After the ride, my husband was so excited to describe how fancy Lester’s bike was. You can lift his bike with one tiny finger. Dear Toastmasters, we’ve got lots of benefits here, but be sure to let your mate stay away from Toastmasters. Your wife will complain how big diamond golden ladies of Toastmasters have and your husband will be triggered to meet sexier and younger ladies.

Last week, my husband accidentally bought a new bike and he seemed not that guilty anymore. It’s all thanks to Douglas Huang and Lester Lin. For your information, this is Douglas Huang (show the poster), be careful of him. This is Lester Lin (show the other poster), I plan to murder him. Both of them are no longer welcomed guests.

Marriage isn’t easy and my new enemy is coming into my life soon. But I will find new ways to win money from the new girl. Lester bought himself bicycles. I am wondering what he has bought for his wife. I am sure soon I will get my real Tiffany. In marriage, a smart wife always finds a smart way! Contest Master!
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Posters for Area C1 Contest

My proposed present ""Brompton"

My husband's new girl!

Those beloved girls!

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