Here comes my Toastmasters humorous contest speech “My Husband’s Girls!”
Special Thanks for:
Chief Coach: Matilda Huang / Proof Reading: Michael Woods
Consultant: Harry Fong,Harrison Lee,Sonja Kao,Victor Chu,Eva Liu
Lester Lin & Douglas Huang, allowing me to make jokes of you both.
All the Legacy Club members' support!
Gosh, it’s just like a winner’s acceptance speech!
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It’s hard to talk about my marriage
in public. On a boring typhoon night, I was expecting to do exercise with my
honey in bedroom. I saw my husband walking to me, step by step, and then passed
by me, sat down surrounded by 5 girls, with his sparking eyes and
tender touch. Those girls are my lifelong enemies,
bicycles.
My husband is a shopaholic for bicycles and occasionally, he got home with a new girl. I always try to stop his shopping habits, but
he always has a reason to
stop me stopping him. Most of time, he won!
Two years ago, the unforgettable moment in my life, he proposed to me with a Tiffany
ring? No, it’s a bike, a Tiffany blue bike. Gosh, I don’t want to wear any bike
for my ring finger. Another enemy! On another day, I
found my Tiffany disappeared
and saw a note on the table, “Honey, I, Tiffany, together, go out, see you soon!”
Excuse me? Isn’t Tiffany a gift for me? This guy always buys
his desirable stuff for me and called it my present. Always after few days, all the presents
will become his. It happens every time.
Once, Giant
shop had a big
discount. We walked into it and soon I
smelled er…a girl.
She is not just hot, she is so hot. My husband said, ”Honey,
it’s worthy to
investment everything good for us. Let’s get the bike. If one day transportation fee is 40 dollars, one month is 800 dollars. One year is 9600 dollars. Oh my god, this bike is only 8888 dollars
which means I could save 712 dollars per year. Best of all, the price is 8888. The number In Chinese sounds babababa, similar
to fafafafa! I am sure that we will fa……
all the way.” After we came home, I saw he was so happy standing by those old
girls and a new Giant girl. At that moment, I want to throw out all of them out
of the window, including my husband.
I complained it to my mom but she said,
yeah, at least he is not interested in “real girls or men.” Marriage
is to trust who is
money maker. Just try to win money from your husband. You know what I mean. So, I decide to get along with those girls, also benefit from them.
The truth is my husband feels
even guiltier than I thought to survive in marriage. He tries very hard to
pacify my anger by giving me, year-end bonus, performance bonus, share options,
and most of his salary. Thanks god! It’s been a long while that I could get
along with those girls until last week.
Nightmare again! A few
weeks ago, he went bicycling with Douglas Huang and
Lester Lin. You might not know them very much. It isn’t important. The point is I hate you.
You are rich, you are Toastmasters, and you are fond of bicycles. After the ride, my husband was so excited to describe how fancy Lester’s bike was. You can lift his bike with one tiny finger. Dear
Toastmasters, we’ve
got lots of benefits here, but be sure to let your mate stay away from Toastmasters. Your wife will complain how big diamond golden ladies of
Toastmasters have and your husband will be triggered to meet sexier and younger ladies.
Last week, my husband accidentally
bought a new bike and he seemed not that guilty anymore. It’s all thanks to Douglas Huang
and Lester Lin. For your information, this is Douglas Huang (show the poster),
be careful of him. This is Lester Lin (show the other poster), I plan to murder
him. Both of them are no longer welcomed guests.
Marriage isn’t easy and my new
enemy is coming into my life soon. But I will find new ways to win money from the
new girl. Lester bought himself bicycles. I am wondering what he has bought for
his wife. I am sure soon I will get my real Tiffany. In marriage, a smart wife
always finds a smart way! Contest Master!
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Posters for Area C1 Contest |
My proposed present ""Brompton" |
My husband's new girl! |
Those beloved girls! |
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